I am restless. Its been very hard for me to sit down and create, until I am ignoring things that make me angry. It is hard, however, to be angry with sheep who like head scratches, and chickens who beg for attention when I go out to check on them. We have storms all around us right now as well, and I am both wired and fatigued, with deep aches. While I have found some balance finally on the medical end of things, I am still adjusting to the different scale of stresses, and the lack of stress from reduced contact with people. I feel like I don’t have enough of the right kinds of things to ignore to sit down and write.
I also screwed up. I started a WIP on the computer, for the first draft of a manuscript. I have always been a hand-written manuscript girl, and that worked well for me all through college. I would fill a notebook, and type the result, re-writing and editing as I went. I still did this, clear up till the last Scrounger Trilogy book.
I messed up on Lotus of the Stars(c). I wrote it on the computer, which works fine for most people. I have this weird, subconscious caveat for typed work, though. In my weird little reality, if I type it, I don’t re-write it, and I end up drowning in purple prose. I have had such a hard time editing on the computer, and finally realized one day(literally found a pinterest post that knocked me where it counts) that I needed to be re-writing, not editing. I would typically have written the book in a notebook or binder, and then gone through my scribbles and margin notes to rewrite the story, then edit multiple times. This time, it was typed! I slapped that file right into Createspace! OOPS. Yes, the book is going to be pretty, but it wasn’t near ready.
So I am behind by about 6 months. At this point, I can only hope to FINISH the rewrites and maybe publish this year, when originally, I wanted to publish for my birthday. NOPE.
Two things strike me:
One, that working for a high school that used computers changed my writing mode drastically, and two, that my health also did. Somewhere in the 2015 summer, my wrists began to hurt. I jokingly blame my cat for this, because when we got him, he spent all his time stretched across my lap, computer or not. I typed over him in an awkward position. Since then, I’ve also found out that I have tension pinching on my ulnar nerves. Fun. As to the school, there were several factors; my classes required use of computers for much of the class, from taking quizzes to writing papers, and this increased when the school did the 1:1 ratio, with personal laptops for the kids. My note-taking changed drastically when my dominant hand/arm hurt all the time, and I was coming to work with a brace on and fighting pain. Before this, I only used my computer for papers that would be shared to me, and still took written notes for everything else.
Then I stood in front of a back-to-school display in Walmart the other night, and something else dawned on me: I used to get so jazzed by clean paper and new pens. I used to be so organized with printed hard copies. So I bought paper, a 2″ 3 ring binder, some folders, and tab dividers. I got out my old Star Wars binder, the one from High school that I used to write EVERYTHING in, and cleaned it up. Since that night, I have basically reorganized and rearranged my writing existence. I typed and printed a to-do list for each book, based on what worked with Weird Wheat(because it was the best mode example for me) and stuck that on my wall. I printed and got other WIPs ready to be worked out on paper. I made files for new things I am working on, like the Anunnaki satire.
I thought it was my creativity waning. I even went through a spiritual revolution of concentrating on raising my creativity again. It turned out to be more a matter of left than right brain issues. I was disorganized and not following those modes that worked for me so well, when I was writing more frequently and successfully. My heath, my job, both affected and changed my mode, just so I could keep writing with both things present.